Write On Wednesdays Exercise 19 - Sunshine in a cup. Write the words of Emily Dickinson: "Bring me sunshine in a cup" at the top of your page. Set a timer for 5 minutes. Write the first words that come into your head after the prompt. Don't take you pen off the page (or fingers off the keyboard). Stop only when the buzzer rings! Do this exercise over and over if you wish. Write beyond 5 minutes if you like, you can link it up as an extra post.
"Ha! Are you aware of what you are asking for boy?" cried Ra incredulously.
"I want sunshine in a cup" said Kaimbe boldly.
"Helios, Shemesh, Tonatiuh; did you hear what this clod has dared asked of us?" Ra's voice shimmered in the dry air.
The four gods surrounded the young warrior: incandescent and aloof they towered over him, setting the great firmament above ablaze. Kaimbe stood firm and addressed the sun's guardians in an unwavering voice.
"I have travelled far on behalf of my people. Elder Roshi sent me out many months ago to find the place where the earth meets the sky to fill this cup with golden rays. Once I have drunk deeply I will be transformed; only then will we be strong enough to defeat the Great Shadow." As Kaimbe spoke he pulled a large gold chalice from his haversack; it gleamed radiantly in the presence of the deities.
Shemesh began to speak, his voice crackled like flames dancing on kindling.
"Boy, this is no mere tonic you have come to consume. You have asked for liquid fire to burn and purge your very soul. Only the pure of heart can drink the light and not be destroyed. To be refined you must first be broken and forged anew in the very fires of creation, the pain will be exquisitely cruel and the sacrifice you will make will be great. Do not make this decision lightly."
Kaimbe looked up and said "I am ready, I have no choice, I would die for my brothers and sisters."
Tonatiuh began to laugh. He reached down and seized the cup from Kaimbe's hands, as he strode towards a fiery pool his voice rang out:
"You may well do little warrior, you may well do!"
So, what did you think? Comments and constructive criticism most welcome below!
I love what you've done with this Adam. It would make a truly great opening chapter if you wanted to continue with it!
ReplyDeleteI'm with Sarah! I already started wondering about the back story of this boy and where he could go from here with such courage. I think 'exquisitely cruel' works perfectly in that powerful paragraph.
ReplyDeleteFantastic! I love your characters, I already want to know more about them! Wonder where his power will take the fearless boy.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the others - I wanted to read more! It would make a great opening chapter, or at least a longer piece.
ReplyDeleteGreat idea Ra - Egyptian god of Sun!
ReplyDeleteGreat read.
I'd love to have a conversation with Tonatiuh, Helios, Ra and Shemesh together (just learned about Shemesh, by the way). They must have incredibly insteresting things to tell.
ReplyDeleteI'm also with Sarah. I could easily imagime this as the prologue or opening chapter for a fantastic novel. If you do build it up into a full-fledged novel, I'll be one to buy it.
Incidentally, I love what you did with the interpretation of "sunshine in a cup". Rather than going for a pretty metaphor of love and/or joy, you took it quite literally and managed to make something out of a seemingly impossible situation. Makes me realise I have still much to learn as a writer.
/ Rain
Thank you all for your words of encouragement. Part of me thinks that it would be fun to try and flesh this out into a story.
ReplyDeleteA bigger part says "You haven't a clue how to write a novel!"
I guess it would make quite a good children's novel, maybe the sort that adults actually enjoy reading to their kids.
The hard part is that at the moment I know as much about the story as you guys do! I mean who the heck are/is the Great Shadow?
I suppose there is always publish direct to kindle...
Great opening to the story! I love the heroic tale it is leading to. Nice work!!
ReplyDeleteWow Adam! I love this. It's so different and interesting. I agree, this could be a novel! I hope you keep this going!
ReplyDeleteVery strong voices, well done! Every novelist wrote their first one...:)
ReplyDeletekate
I'm with Kate, you have to have a first! Why not do NaNoWriMo this year, Adam? Have you checked it out? If you wanted to take this somewhere I would strongly suggest you consider NaNoWriMo - I think you could really flesh this out.
ReplyDeleteI saw your link pop up earlier in the week and I sensed you would take the prompt to a unique and suspenseful place. And you did. This is the opening to your novel. Take it somewhere!
http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/sign_in
ReplyDeleteSign up, Adam. It doesn't matter that you don't know where this is going. It will evolve just as this piece did for you.
'his voice crackled like flames dancing on kindling.' Great image.
ReplyDeleteI was bit put off by the voice at first & then I realised they were Gods!
Thank-you for you comments on my post.
Jennifer
I have goosebumps! This is inspired! I love a good tale which includes known characters of mythology - fantastic! I loved Shemesh's voice being described as 'flames dancing on kindling.' Bravo!
ReplyDeleteThis was brilliant Adam. I love anything Egyptian and would have happily read on and on. Would love if you could keep this going.
ReplyDelete