Merry Wanderer of the Night:
Psych

Hey everyone! I have another guest post on Danya's blog for Psychtember!

Come check out what I thought of Sisters in Sanity by Gayle Forman!

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime by Mark Haddon is actually a reread for me. And it was just as good, if not better than the first.

It's a book about Christopher, a young boy trying to figure out life. Although I don't think the book ever directly specifies his disorder, Christopher falls somewhere on the high functioning side of the Autism Spectrum. He doesn't relate well to people, has a really hard time understanding facial expressions beyond happy and sad, does not do well with change or being touched, and is highly intelligent, especially proficient in math and science.

Watching the world through Christopher's eyes is so incredibly interesting, as is listening to his inner commentary. He is very matter of fact, likes dealing in absolute truths and doesn't understand emotion. When most people think of love, more than anything else, it's a feeling. It's nearly impossible to define, because everyone experiences it differently, and there are so many different kinds of love. But for Christopher, love is a very specific thing. For him, "loving someone is helping them when they get into trouble, and looking after them, and telling them the truth... " (pg 87)

Christopher's voice throughout the book is very unique. I've never read another book like it. Christopher does not like lies and he always tells the truth. Lies are just too complicated. He also doesn't understand social norms or nuances, which means we get some very interesting commentary, and Christopher points out many things that people would normally never say aloud. It's a book that made me chuckle to myself more than once. I feel a little bad laughing at it, because Christopher is not trying to be funny. But his deadpan delivery is just... funny. It's a little like watching someone fall down. You feel terrible because your impulse is to laugh, but there is just nothing you can do to stop it... It's awkwardly funny.

As a book in general, the story itself is not really that awesome. What makes the book worth reading is Christopher. He is the one writing the book, as an assignment for class, and he decides to write about something true, because he doesn't like lies. When he discovers his neighbor's dog dead in her yard, he decides to write a mystery and try to figure out who killed Wellington. He wants to write a mystery because it's the only kind of fiction he likes to read (fiction feels too much like lying).

Christopher lives with his dad, because his mom died a few years ago and his dad tries really hard to be what Christopher needs, to be able to help him and give him the best care and attention possible. It's obvious, that although he does make mistakes (some really big ones, actually) that he really and genuinely does care about his son. That kind of love, even if Christopher doesn't really get it, is strong and there are moments in the book where you can very nearly touch it.

There might be some inaccuracies here, in Haddon's portrayal of an autistic boy. I am not well enough studied to be able to tell you if it is perfectly accurate or not, although it does follow what I understand of the disorder. So, don't go using this as a way of saying — Yes. I now know all there is to know about life with autism. But do use it as a way to learn a little more about your world, and to learn a little bit about what it might be like to be living in a world not meant for people who think like you. It would be a challenge, every single day. So remember that. Take that into consideration. And maybe use this book as a reason to start paying more attention to your surroundings, to the people around you. Use it as a way to realize that there are different ways to view the world, different ways to see, but that doesn't make them right or wrong, just different.

This is a book that I highly, highly recommend. To pretty much everyone. There are things in this book that I think everyone could stand to learn, could benefit from taking a look at. So why don't you give it a try. It just might expand the way you view your world. And really, that's a good thing.

I think this might be the first time I've ever really and truly 'gotten my rant on' about a topic here on the blog. What's my topic? The current usage of OCD in YA Literature. So brace yourselves, because Ashley is about to get very angry.

(This is a big enough topic, and one that I've been thinking about long enough that I've actually decided to write two posts on this one — one here on Danya's blog, and then a longer, more detailed (and rantish) post here on my own blog.)

There is something that's been popping up in a lot of YA books recently that's really been getting on my nerves. I've wanted to write a post about it for a long time, and I decided that Danya's Psychtember was as good an excuse as I was ever going to get. I'm going to warn you right now (and again later, cuz I'm like that) that this is a very long, very angry rant post. All of my anger and frustration at what I perceive to be the usage and misrepresentation of OCD in YA literature has been laid out for you to see. If you want the condensed version (wimp: P) you can in my blog to visit Danya's blog where you'll be able to read my shorter post.

I don't know how many books need to be written for something to actually qualify as a 'trend' but I've been noticing something in YA lately that has me more than a little concerned. And that's the use of OCD. OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) is a serious and debilitating mental illness. It can manifest itself in innumerable ways, and with varying levels of intensity or severity. I'm a little bit concerned that lately it's been made light of in YA literature.

What do I mean by this? Let me first explain what an OCD really is. A lot of people joke about having an OCD because they like to keep their desk organized, or have a specific order to the way they clean their room. But most people who are going to joke about an OCD not only do not have one, but they have no real understanding of what it is to live with an OCD either. An OCD is debilitating, it's severe and it's not something you can ignore when it's convenient. To be diagnosed with an OCD, you must have obsessions, which are persistent, irrational thoughts you can't control, that even though you recognize them as being irrational or inappropriate, you can't make them go away, can't talk yourself out of them, as well as compulsions, which are actions you use to overcome the obsessions. But even more than that, to be considered a diagnosable OCD, it must also be disruptive to your life. That means that an OCD isn't a minor annoyance or inconvenience. To have a legitimate OCD, it must be severe.

An OCD can manifest itself in hundreds or thousands of ways. The compulsions are what most people focus on our talk about in relation to OCD. The compulsions are things like washing hands, checking every door and window in the house 3 times before bed in a specific order, tapping the outside of a door twice before you can open it etc. and they are not something that can be avoided, forgotten or skipped. It's not like, Oh, I'm tired today, guess I'll just do it next time. It is something that must be done to control the obsessive thoughts. OCD is an anxiety disorder. And the anxiety a person would feel if they tried to forcibly pass on an OCD ritual?! Ain't gonna happen... If for some reason they did manage to fall asleep before completing their compulsive rituals, they would wake up, and not a pleasant waking up either, but one filled with stress and anxiety. But it's important that we not forget about the obsessions. Obsessions are thoughts that are irrational, and uncontrollable. These obsessive thoughts are what lead you to your compulsive actions. So, you might obsess over a feeling of being dirty, that for some reason you are dirty inside and out and these thoughts give you so much anxiety that to lessen the stress of these thoughts, you wash your hands. But it's a temporary relief, and the next time the thought comes, you wash again and again and again. It's not being paranoid that you left your car unlocked, so you go back to check. It's this thought that if you don't go back and check the car again, something unimaginably bad is going to happen. So you check again, even though you know you locked it before. And the obsessive thought isn't always logical, it doesn't always lead to a natural compulsion either. It might be that you believe that if you don't wash your hands every 30 minutes, someone will die. So, you know that this isn't true. You know no one is going to live or die because you washed your hands. But you have to wash your hands anyway. You have to.

So here's the thing that really gets me angry — OCD is a serious, debilitating, destructive and emotionally (and sometimes physically) exhausting disorder. But it's not always treated as such. People make light of it all the time, discussing it, laughing about it as if OCD is no big deal, just some minor annoyance. And a lot of the books I've read lately with OCD characters perpetuates this. These books are furthering the ignorance surrounding OCD. Warning — This next section is very possibly going to come across as very harsh & snarky & angry, but this is a rant, so deal...

I feel like some of these authors heads must have sat down and gone through a combination of the following ideas-
Hmm... My hero is super perfect. Like, he's gorgeous, rich, super nice, everyone loves him when they talk to him, etc... But, no one wants to read about a completely flawless boy... We get too much flack for that. Ooh!! I KNOW! I'll give him an OCD!! Then he's a perfectly flawed hero & I can still let him be perfect! Because an OCD is a flaw!! *fist pump

OR

I want this dude (or dudette) to have some kind of mental illness. But what to do? What to do?... It can't be something like schizophrenia, because everyone knows that's untreatable and like, serious and stuff... Depression is so last publishing season, everyone's been using that one and I don't want some sad chick. Hmm... Lets google this... Oooh, this looks promising! I'll give them an OCD!! PERFECT! They can be 'troubled' and struggle, but still have a mostly normal life. I love it. Aren't I so brilliant. *pats on back*

OR

Just add OCD & stir — Instant Character Depth!

Now, I'm actually pretty sure that none of these authors have ever actually sat down and thought this. (and I hope that I never find out if they have). But that doesn't change the fact that it seriously upsets me when I read these characters in a YA novel who have been given a legitimate and serious mental disorder being made to seem as if it's just not that big of a deal. Like it's something they can brush off or use to their advantage (*whines — It's just my OCD today. It's acting up). It is not like that. OCD is something that can be managed and stabilized and, depending on the type of OCD, the severity and the stressor that induced/triggered it, sometimes, it can even be cured (although, as with any mental illness, cure is a relative term...) . But it is not something that just gets to go away because you want it to, or because it's easier today to just not deal with it. It's a mental illness. And if you have it, you have it. And let me tell you — I know someone, in real life who struggled with this. And you know what, it sucks. Like, hard core. It's not fun, it's not something to laugh about and it doesn't give "depth". It's a DISORDER.

Sigh. But, I did warn you that this post was going to be long and rantish.

And, yes — I'm deliberately not naming names or pointing fingers. I deliberately decided against using specific titles because my annoyance with the usage of OCD in YA right now has made it so that some of these books that probably do a fine job of it lose me as soon as the love interest or main character has OCD. I'm not talking about books that have chosen to write about OCD specifically. I'm talking about books that deal with a different topic altogether, and use OCD as a side plot... But this post is an angry post. So I'm leaving titles and names out of the anger. But I gotta tell you, I'm getting might tired of it.

So authors, Please stop using psychological disorders as a way to add interest to a character. If it's a legitimate and important part of who they are, they Yes! PLEASE use it. We need more books dealing with mental health in a positive and accurate way. But, if you are going to use mental health, do NOT google search it and assume you are an expert. Take more time to research, talk to therapists and licensed mental health professionals. Talk to people who have the disorder. But more than anything else, treat it with respect.

Hey Guys! I just wanted to jump on to tell you to go check out my guest post over at A Tapestry of Words! I mentioned on the first that I was going to be guest posting as part of Danya's awesomely fantastic Psychtember event! It's already gotten off to a great start, and today, my post about Depression in YA is up! Go check it out, and let me and Danya know what you think!! (Click the italicized words below to see what I think!)

Depression in YA — A Psychtember Guest Post

As many of you know, my Bachelor's degree is in Psychology. It's a topic that's always fascinated me and I love reading books where mental health or psychological disorders play a large role, and labeling something a psychological thriller always peaks my interest.

So when Danya at A Tapestry of Words contacted me about a September event devoted to Psychology, I was thrilled! And so, here begins Psychtember!

The event will run the full month of September and Danya has awesome stuff planned for the entire month. I won't be posting Psychtember stuff everyday, but I will have reviews and posts on both my blog and Danya's. I'll post here anytime a post of mine goes up on Danya's blog, and I'll include a graphic in each of my posts here.

This is an event that I'm incredibly excited for, and I hope you will share my excitement! So, be on the look out for awesome Psychtember posts from me, and stop by Danya's blog to see it all happening there!

I have my Bachelors Degree in Psychology, so anytime I come across a book that deals with Psychological disorders or is billed/marketed as 'psychological' my inner Psych nerd perks up and says 'Want'. So, when I heard about A Scary Scene in a Scary Movie by Matt Blackstone I was excited to read it and see what it had to offer.

A Scary Scene takes on the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) something that has become very, very prevalent in YA lit. (I'm working really hard to hold my tongue here... Come back in September and I'll have more to say on that.) Rene, our main character, is 14 and faces his OCD everyday.

Now, even though my degree is in Psychology, I do not claim to be an expert or capable of diagnosis. Rene has a bunch of different compulsions. He smells his hand when he's nervous, washes them regularly, can't function or move if the numbers of time add up to 13, because it's unlucky and more. And, whenever he gets to feeling really anxious or stressed or intensely emotional, he equates the feeling with 'a scary scene in a scary movie'. The book is about Rene, his struggles with OCD and how he tries to cope.

One thing I really liked about the way Blackstone tackled OCD here is that he doesn't sugar coat it. Far too many YA books out there right now use OCD as a way to add instant depth to an otherwise perfect character. It's a way to give them a disorder but still make them a viable and attractive love interest without actually giving them a completely debilitating illness. But that is an unfair portrayal of OCD. While OCD isn't as serious an illness as something like Paranoid Schizophrenia but it is still a serious problem for those who suffer from it. We joke in our culture that someone who uses a lot of Germ-X or is highly organized is OCD and we laugh about it. But OCD is something that is so much more than that, so much worse and I think a lot of authors do those suffering from OCD a disservice by making it a character trait instead of an illness.

OCD is classified as an anxiety disorder. A Scary Scene is one of the few books I've read that actual handles OCD as such. In other books it's an annoyance or an inconvenience, but in Rene's world it is something that consumes this thoughts, his attention, his focus and it interferes with how he lives his life. It's an illness and I can't tell you how happy I was to come across a book that treated it as such.

Although I thought Blackstone did a fairly good job addressing the more serious side of OCD, I did feel that there was something missing in this book. I wasn't quite sure that I believed in a lot of the characters and their interactions with each other. Rene has never really had a friend, his OCD gets in the way of that, but then Gio moves into his school. And Rene is fascinated by Gio and decides he's going to try and get to know him. Surprisingly, it works. They are somehow able to

Then the story kind of falls apart for me a little bit. I feel like Blackstone wasn't sure that a story about a kid dealing with the harsh realities of OCD wasn't going to have enough conflict, enough drama and so he brought in a whole story line involving his father, and New York City. This is when I kind of stopped believing in the actions of the characters, and when the story started to lose some of it's credibility for me. Perhaps there was more to the story that I missed, but I honestly believe that a story about a kid learning to deal with an anxiety disorder as severe as Rene's doesn't need to borrow trouble.

Overall, this is a book that I believe was worth reading. I'm glad I read it and glad that I was able to find a book that, for the most part, gave a more realistic view of how bad OCD can really be for someone living through it. I'm not sure how realistic I think the book is overall, but I can tell you that someone, especially a young kid suffering through OCD is going to act more like Rene does than some of the glib, 'casually disordered' characters we see in other recent books.

*Disclaimer: A copy of this book was received through the Teen Book Scene in exchange for a fair and unbiased review.

The Babysitter Murders by Janet Ruth Young is a tough book to read. It's the story of Dani, a young girl who babysits a little boy named Alex, and he is just the cutest thing ever. Alex is such a sweet kid and Dani genuinely loves him and enjoys being a part of his life, even though his mom (who Dani calls Mrs. Alex) takes advantage of Dani and is someone who bothered me from the very beginning of the book. But then some stuff starts to change for Dani and her mind begins to betray her. She finds herself having violent thoughts, vivid imaginings where she will stab Alex with a large kitchen knife.

At first, she tries to just shake off the thoughts but they continue, and the longer they go on, the more vivid and violent they become. Then Dani starts having similar thoughts in other areas of her life, around other people. She imagines saying horrid things to and about her best friend, her mom, doing cruel and horrible things to her new boyfriend, doing embarrassing things to her teachers and more. The thoughts get so vivid and are so strong that she looks around in a panic, desperately trying to determine whether or not it actually happened.

Dani tries talking to both her best friend and her mom about what's happening, but neither are very receptive to Dani and neither are able, or really even willing to offer the help she needs. Awkward conversations and willful ignorance... Finally, not knowing what else to do, Dani confesses her thoughts to Alex's mom, hoping that she will finally stop nagging her to keep babysitting. Immediately, Mrs. Alex goes upstairs and calls the police.

And here is where this book really started to become the mind-changer that it is. This is a book that forced me to reevaluate some of my assumptions and the lines that I've drawn. I have a tendency to view much of my world in black and white. I understand that there is a lot of gray area in the world. I get it. I do. But, I am also willing to admit that I refuse to see a lot of that gray area. Child abuse, rape etc are things that I have a firm black and white view on. So is child endangerment and the rights of a mother to protect her child. BUT, and here is where this book starts to really hit home, the mother in this book, who thought she was doing what was best for her son, did not handle it well. What she ends up doing, by calling the police is opening up a can of worms that is going to change everything and might possibly destroy lives.

One of the police officers who comes to pick up Dani from Mrs. Alex's house is a really great guy. He's concerned about Dani and he takes the time to talk to her, to really figure out what is going on with her and he tells her mom she needs to be seeing a therapist. The other cop however, is the type with a huge chip on his shoulder, the belief that he is better than everyone else, and that the rich kids (Dani) are never actually accountable for their actions. He takes these feelings home with him, and passes them along to his son, a kid at Dani's school. This cop is one of the worst characters in the novel and every single scene with him in it made my skin crawl. He talks to his son about teenage girls in a horribly inappropriate way, discussing their bodies and physical attributes. Talking about a teen girl's bra size when you are 16 is crass but not a big deal. But being 45 and talking about a 16 year old's bra size to your 16 year old son?! Creepy, inappropriate and wrong.

His son, Malcolm takes his dad's opinions about the case (stuff he overhears, because cops are bot supposed to talk about this stuff at all) and he starts spreading news around, targeting Dani, although for a long time he doesn't use her name. This creates a lot of unrest and chaos and it becomes dangerous for Dani. People start making threats and a private vigilante group comes to town to try and 'pick up where the law left off'. This scared me a little bit. While reading this book, you are firmly on Dani's side. It's so obvious that she doesn't want or welcome these thoughts, that she is desperate to get rid of them and beyond terrified that she is somehow going to act on them. But the members of the community don't get to hear that, and by the time anyone might say something about it, they are too far gone to want to listen anymore.

I read this book, and realized that those people might have been me. Not the vigilante group (although, it scared me to realize that in some circumstances, I might have agreed more strongly with them) but with the people in general who believed that she was a monster. Having access to Dani's thoughts changed things for me, made me realize that there are some instances where a black and white view of the world is dangerous and isn't always to be welcomed. It's part of human nature, this tendency to judge before being sure of all our facts and this is a book that makes you really stop to think.

Dani faces such challenges and it's really heartbreaking to watch her. She is terrified. She has no idea what is going on, why her mind suddenly feels like it no longer belongs to her and she is genuinely afraid she is going to hurt someone, and she wants to do whatever it takes to prevent that.

I don't want to really spoil this part for readers, because I think it's important for the reader to discover some of this along with Dani, but as you can gather from the synopsis, Dani finds herself struggling with a mental illness. This is one of the most complete pictures of Dani's particular illness that I've ever read. I graduated with a degree in Psychology and this is a disorder I studied during my undergrad. I get really frustrated when I read a book that paints an incomplete or incorrect picture of a mental illness, but this one was marvelously written. I want to hug the therapist that Dani ends up going to see. I'm still not sure what exactly I want to do with my Psychology degree, but if I were to take it into counseling, that is the type of therapist I hope I could be.

Watching Dani learn to live with her illness, learn to cope with the changes in her life broke my heart at the same time it was so empowering. She is such a fabulous character. I just wanted to hug her for so much of the novel because she really is lost and scared. Your mind is supposed to be the one thing that is fully yours, fully under your control. What are you supposed to do if your mind turns on you, becomes a thing you fear?

The Babysitter Murders is a book that will challenge you and your perceptions, that will help you grow as a person and as a thinker and it's one that is going to tear at your heart. It's also a book that begs discussion, the needs to be talked about. So, if you finish, and you need someone to talk to, you know where to find me.

Bitter End by Jennifer Brown is one of those stories that I think needs to be read by teenage girls. If you look up statistics for teen dating violence, your heart just breaks. There are so many sites with statistics gathered from surveys and studies and all of them are tragic. Books like Bitter End are important, because it gives young people a 'safe' place to learn about dating violence. Knowing the warning signs is an incredibly important part of keeping yourself out of a bad situation.

Alex doesn't have the perfect life, but she is, for the most part, happy. Her mother died when she was young, during a seemingly mindless attempt to leave for Colorado. Her father has almost completely shut down and refuses to talk about any of the 'tough' stuff. He mostly leaves Alex and her sisters alone, focusing on his own issues. This is really hard on Alex. She feels the hole her mother left deeply and desperately needs to understand why her mom would walk away, but doesn't have anywhere to turn to for answers. So, she decided a long time ago that she was going to go to Colorado after graduation and her two best friends decided they would go with her. Alex, Beth and Zach have been best friends for years and years. Referred to by parents as the three headed monster, they've been pretty much inseparable for years.

These three just click. They understand each other, love each other and would do anything for each other. They are the very best kind of friends to have. But there's nothing romantic between any of them, and they are at that stage when romantic relationships are wonderful and good and desirable. When Cole transfers to their school and is assigned to Alex for tutoring, it's like fate. He's super good looking, into sports, smart, funny, such a gentleman, but best of all? He's really into Alex. He makes her feel beautiful, loved and amazing and she soon finds herself caught up in the magic that Cole spins for her.

But it doesn't take long for that magical feeling to go a little sour. It's small things at first, things that in moderation might seem cute or romantic, but quickly become creepy and stalkerish. Like sitting at a booth in the cafe where Alex works until her shift ends. When it's only the last 30 or 40 minutes, that's kind of cute. But when he sits there, watching you for your whole entire shift? Not cute. Not cute at all. Cole also really dislikes Zach, and he especially hates it when Alex spends time with him. He's convinced Zach is in love with Alex and that she is going to cheat on him with Zach and he does everything he can to make that relationship uncomfortable, which severely strains her relationship with Beth also, until he finally gets to the point where he has pulled Alex almost completely away from the rock solid support system Zach and Beth have to offer.

There are so many moments to this story where your cringe for Alex. Where you just want to cry out and tell her to get herself out of there. But Brown wrote this story incredibly well. Cole is Mr. Perfect in the beginning of the story. He knows all the right things to say, has all sorts of romantic gestures down pat and he just seems to be amazing. In fact, if I hadn't known going into this book that it was about an abusive relationship, I think I might have been taken in by his charm. But pretty quickly the thinly veiled insults start piling up on top of his jealous and controlling demands and his monopolizing all her time. It becomes clear to us that there is something seriously wrong much sooner than it does to Alex.

Alex does start to realize that things are not as they should be, but by then, she feels like she's gone too far. She has two things against her at this point. One is that she has never thought she would become 'that girl', the one who let her boyfriend beat her, but stayed with him anyway. She didn't want people to know that she had let things get to that point, so she stays, because she's embarrassed to leave. And the other thing? Cole loves her. He is the first person in her memories to tell her that she is loved and she desperately needs to feel that right now. That declaration of love went straight through to Alex and tied her to Cole completely. He loves her, she loves him and the rest can be worked out in time. She makes excuses for him — He just needs to work out his anger. I just need to stop being around Zach, since it makes him angry. His dad beats his mom, so it's all that he knows. Etc and etc.

But, as is always the case with relationships like this, things continue to escalate and they really never get better on their own.

I meant it when I said that this book, and the others on the market like it are so important for everyone to read, but especially young girls. They teach us what the warning signs of an abuser are so that we can protect ourselves before it gets to the point of violence, it lets people in an abusive relationship know that it is not their fault, that nothing they do is going to change their abuser and they need to leave, and that there is always hope, that getting help is not a weakness but a strength, and it also teaches compassion to those who have not been in this situation. It is too easy to look and judge and say, Well why didn't you just leave him?! But unless we try to understand the situation from the inside, we do no help to those struggling to free themselves. It's so easy to say just leave, but the actual leaving is an entirely different matter. And it's hard.

Read this book. Read the other books out there on the same subject. Learn all you can to protect yourself, to protect others, and to learn compassion, love and understanding so that you really can be there if you are needed. Books like this are so important to our teenagers and I'm so glad that there are more of them being written.

*Disclaimer: I received a copy of this for review from a traveling ARC tour through the Teen Book Scene.

It's week two of Award Winning Wednesday! Be sure to stick around until the end of this post so that you can add your Award Winning Reviews to the linky at the bottom!!

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I seem to be reading a lot of books lately that really challenge my perceptions of the world, and make me reevaluate how I judge things. Stolen by Lucy Christopher is very definitely one of those novels.

I had heard enough about this book, and read enough reviews to know that Ty, our kidnapper is a very sympathetic character. So, I knew that was coming. But I didn't think I would be as... moved as most of the people who have read this book. I knew I'd find some sympathy for him, because it's intentionally written that way, but I figured I'd say, Oh, poor sympathetic bastard. And leave it at that. I'd perhaps understand Ty better, but would still firmly believe he belonged locked up. I mean, seriously. He drugged a 16 year old girl in an airport and dragged her off to live in the absolute barren deserts of Australia. What a catch, right?

I have a tendency to place certain things into 'boxes'. Like child abuse. It's wrong. No exceptions. Special place in hell for those who hurt children. Infidelity is another absolute for me. For me personally, I have no respect for cheaters and know that it's not something I could ever come back from in a relationship. Kidnapping or abduction has always, always been firmly in that area too. It's bad. You don't do it. And if you do do it, you deserve whatever nasty punishments the 'law' decides to slam you with. So I wasn't expecting to care about Ty. He's a kidnapper. Not only did he take her from the airport, he has also been following her for 6 years. 6 years! That is insane! And creepy! And scary. And stalkerish. And creepy. Definitely creepy.

The book is written as if Gemma is writing a letter to Ty. You know, given the nature of the letter, that Gemma is now home. But you don't know how she got there, why or how Ty let her go, if she escaped, if she's writing him in prison, or if he got away. And because Gemma is writing the story of how she saw things happen, we also don't yet know where Gemma wants him to be.

Because we are learning about Ty through Gemma's voice in her letter, the way she feels about him at any given moment in her memories greatly colors her representation of him, which means it colors the way we see him. But mixed in with that is also the knowledge of how Gemma feels later, as she is writing the letter and so the flashes of vulnerability from Ty are included in the story. This creates a layer to the story I've never experienced before. As a reader, we can see both versions of Ty at once. The Ty that has so terrified Gemma, because he has taken her away from everything she knows, trapped her in a place miles away from anything and told her he is never going to let her leave. But we also see the Ty that is kind and compassionate and genuinely believes that Gemma will be happy here, and that he is saving her. It confuses Gemma. And we see that too.

In the beginning, I understood that Ty was a sympathetic captor, that he wasn't evil, but I was still against him overall. I was still all for him going to prison and rotting for a long time, for Gemma being saved and all that heroic stuff. And when we learn that Ty has been obsessed with Gemma since she was 10 years old, it only reinforced that idea. Sure, he's had a tough life, but he still needs to be locked up.

But somewhere along the way, I started to soften towards Ty. And I didn't even notice. Honestly. I went from assuming I was going to be really happy if/when he ended up being put away for years to terrified that Gemma and Ty were no longer going to be able to stay together. I knew that she got away from him, but when I saw it coming, when I realized how it was going to happen, I kept thinking hoping that there was going to be another way. That their split up was only temporary, that Ty would be able to stay on the desert homestead until Gemma could find her way back to him.

And then I had to stop reading for a moment. I had to stop so that I could process this. I am not sympathetic to villains. Ever. Really. Especially in a contemporary novel. Because that's like real life. And in real life, the bad guys belong in jail. I'm all about the justice system. If you commit a crime, you pay the price and accept the consequences. Period. End of discussion. So why on earth was I sitting there, reading, hoping against hope that he ends up safe?! It really shook me. To the point that I had a really long conversation with my best friend, who knows me better than anyone else. And when I told her about how I was feeling at the end of the book, her reaction was almost comical. I could see the shock in her eyes. Ashley does not express a desire for the villain to be freed from consequences. Ashley does not hope that the bad guy will be able to see the good girl one more time. Ashley does not think that perhaps the bad guy has some redeeming qualities, even while he is being bad...

But... Ashley did.

And I'm still reeling a little here. It's hard to read a book that shocks and ruptures your solid foundations. I don't think this book is going to make my sympathize for every abductor in prison or awaiting trial or capture. I'm not suddenly going to become an advocate for these people, because I still genuinely believe that what they have done is absolutely wrong. But, I never once thought I would be able to sympathize with someone like that. I never once thought I would find myself on their side, even if it is only in a book. It's made me take a deeper look at myself and it's made me wonder what else I might be persuaded to feel differently about if I were to read a book that handles to topic well enough. (Actually, I just finished another book that shook me even more than this one did and I'm pretty sure has left lasting changes on how I'm going to view my world... Review for that one will be here in July)

So, this is a book that I recommend with every part of myself. There is something about this book that forces you to reexamine your world, that will make you question what you believe in. Ty is a very sympathetic character, but Gemma is the real heart of the story. She is so strong. She tries to escape, tries to adapt and survive and she does. Gemma is a wonderfully strong character, a character that didn't ask for any of this but rises admirably to the challenges she dealt. I felt for Ty, understood him more than I thought possible, but I loved Gemma. Loved her voice, her strength, her ability to think and reason and analyze herself and her thoughts during seemingly impossible situations.

Please. Read this book. I can't imagine that anyone who reads this book will not be touched or changed in some way.

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