Merry Wanderer of the Night:
tear-jerkers

The Sky is Everywhere by Jandy Nelson is a book that had been on my radar since its release, but one that I hadn't really put any effort into getting a copy of. But Allison and I have a thing going, where we trade book recommendations and this is one that she pushed on my pretty hard.:) So I bought a copy and a few months later I read it. And guys — Let me tell you what — This is so a book worth gushing over.

I'll admit that it's not the best book I've ever read and it's not perfect. There was quite a bit about the book that I didn't love, quite a bit that annoyed me and some that kinda igged me out. But it didn't matter, because the book was told so incredibly well and the emotional confusion, the pain and turmoil in the mind of Lennie after is sister died was so real and honest and just there. The way this book made me feel what Lennie felt made the annoyances fade into the background. I don't know that I have ever read a book that so perfectly and so completely captures inner turmoil.

Lennie and her older sister Bailey have always been incredibly close. They are that rare type of sister that has also always been friends. My older sister and I are good friends now, but when we were younger, when we lived in the same house, we did not get along at all. But just before the story begins, Bailey dies. Her heart gives out suddenly and Lennie feels completely adrift. She'd been really questioning her place in her own life for a while, and the abrupt loss of her sister sends Lennie into complete confusion. She doesn't really know who she is or how to be without her sister and she's scared and lonely and wants her sister so bad she aches with it.

And then life gets even more confusing. One minute, she and her sister's boyfriend are talking about Bailey and sharing pain and the next they are kissing like their whole souls depend on it. Lennie had never been interested in Toby, could barely see why Bailey wanted him, but when they are together now, it seems like a part of Bailey lives again and Lennie doesn't know what to do. To make it even worse, the new kid at school, Joe, is pretty much perfect for her and she finds herself falling hard and fast and is thrilled because Joe is right there with her.

The story line with Toby was my least favorite. I understand it better now, but it kinda creeped me out to be honest, and it is also one of the reasons that the book wasn't higher on my radar when it first came out. I expected it to be a lot more involved and a lot worse than it was, so I'll say that right now for anyone hesitant to read it for that reason. It didn't happen as frequently as I expected it to. And although they are kissing, it's not as sexual as I expected it to be. It's mostly the two of them so desperate for comfort and understanding from someone else who also loved Bailey that they get confused and their emotions take on inappropriate actions. And it creates problems for them too, it's not just some random side note that happens. It matters, and it helps to explain more about Lennie's emotional state.

The characterization in this book was so completely perfect it amazed me. Every character was unique and whole. There were no half filled roles or caricatures. Each character was given their own depth and reality and I believed in each of them completely. And I do mean all of them. Lennie's grandmother (who raised them) and her Uncle Big are some of the most interesting and hilarious and just plain awesome characters I've ever come across. I can't even begin to describe them, you just have to read it to get it. Even characters we never actually meet are fleshed out and given more depth than I expected. Their mother was a wanderer and left the girls with her mother when Lennie was just a baby and she'e never come back, never made contact again. It very obviously affected both girls growing up although it affected them differently.

There is one last thing that I have to mention, because I loved it so much. Lennie writes notes to and about Bailey and what's she is going through right now on random scraps of paper or garbage and leaves them just lying around. They are never really meant to be seen or read, it is simply Lennie's unique way of grieving. A ot of them are included in the book, along with a note of where they were found and I loved this. It was my favorite individual part of the story. The notes and poems that Lennie writes gives us a greater insight into how Lennie is really feeling and what she needs to heal.

Overall, this is just a wonderfully marvelous book. One of those amazing books whose flaws become irrelevant in the face of the story and I, for one, was completely in love with this book. It is so worth reading. If you have been putting it off, don't. This is Contemporary YA at its finest. There is life and pain and love and hope and it is so real and honest that I can't help but love it.

Drums, Girls and Dangerous Pie by Jordan Sonnenblick is, without a doubt, one of the most moving, touching, heartfelt stories of life and grief and pain and love that I have ever read.

Steven is a pretty normal 8th grader. He plays the drums (quite well actually) has a crush on the super hot girl that doesn't even know who he is, he's a little awkward around girls, because he's just now beginning to hit that GIRL! stage and although he loves him, he's often really annoyed by his younger brother Jeffrey. (I believe their ages are 13 and 5, respectively).

But then, Jeffrey gets diagnosed with Leukemia and Steven's whole world changes. His mom is never home anymore because she spends all her time in and out of hospitals with Jeffrey and is always exhausted and his dad doesn't know how to talk about any of it, so he kind of shuts down (shutting Steven out, when he needs his dad the most) and Jeffrey is hurting and confused and can't understand why he can't jump and play and be normal anymore. But the kid is a trooper, and my heart broke for all of them.

This book slayed me. Seriously. I don't know why I thought it would be a good idea, but I took this book to work to read during down time and cried. The whole time. I had to put the book down over and over because I couldn't keep the smarting from my eyes. And at a few points, I was just straight up crying. (I had at least 3 people who came into my room ask me what was wrong/if I was okay...)

Steven has a lot to deal with. 8th grade is a tough time for anyone, so many changes internally and externally and you are reaching that stage where you want people to treat you more like an adult but you are still pretty much just a kid. And Jeffrey is that perfect 4/5 year old. He's insanely adorable, absolutely worships his big brother and doesn't really understand boundaries. (But I wanted to play with your stuff, why can't I?!) And even though there are a lot of times that Steven is seriously annoyed by his little brother (like Dangerous Pie...) he absolutely loves his and that, above all things, is what this book is about. It's about that special bond of love between brothers and watching an 8th grade boy step up and grow up so that he can be there for a tiny confused boy who doesn't understand why his body won't do what he needs it to anymore.

Steven is my hero. Seriously. If I have a son, I want him to be like Steven. It would not be easy to be in his shoes. But I don't know how to express enough that he is such a great person. More than once, the things that he did for his brother made me cry. There is just so much love in this book that it fills you up completely. And Jeffrey was so stinkin adorable. I love little kids and he is just an absolute doll. He's a brave little kid, but he's scared too and Steven helps him so very much.

I cannot express in enough ways or enough times how amazing this book is. The writing is perfect, the emotions honest and real. And it's not all good either. There are moments when Steven is resentful or angry about what's happening to him and a few moments when something with Jeffrey will take the spotlight away from him or keep him from getting something he desperately wants. But, even will those feelings of anger or resentment, he's also always aware that Jeffrey needs him to be better than that. He makes some really grown up decisions and I was so incredibly proud of him.

Seriously you guys, read this book. It's been a while since I read this book, a few months at least and I still get a little teary eyed when I talk about it. (not even lying. I convinced my friend to buy it the other day when I got a little choked up while holding a copy). It's amazing. And although it's a hard book to read, (any book that deals with the potentially fatal illness of a five year old boy is going to be a toughy) it is so worth it. So worth it. Because it's real and raw and honest and beautiful. There is more to the story than just these two. Both of his parents face the situation in their own way and need help at times remembering that their older son didn't stop needing parents just because the younger needs them more, the school and community and Steven's friends all play a role in the story as well. But ultimately, it is the story of love between these two brothers and if I had to identify the overall theme of this book, it would be love.

I have never read a book quite like this before and if you haven't read it, you are missing out. It is a beautiful book. One that will make you laugh and cry and ache and cheer and be grateful for the experience. So people, read this book. It is one that should not be missed.

Yesterday, I posted an interview with Jay Asher. It was an awesome interview and asking the questions I did and reading his responses brought back a lot of memories. (You can read it here and enter to win a signed copy!!) I read Thirteen Reasons Why a few years ago, back in my last year or so of college and I loved it. It was such an intensely emotional read and it just buzzed around in my brain for days.

It has been a while since I read this book, at least 2 years I would say and so I'm a little fuzzy on specific details in the story. But I remember this book vividly. I remember picking it up because I had heard a lot of talk about it and it seemed like my kind of story. I remember reading it and not being able to stop. Once I started I just had to keep reading and reading. And, I also remember begging, pleading in my mind for Asher to have thought of some way for it to only have been a fake suicide, so that Hannah could come back at the end of the novel because by the time I closed the book I was so in love with her and I just ached so terribly for her and wanted so desperately for there to be something that could be done to make things better for her.

Asher is a gifted and brilliant writer and the idea of a young girl sending tapes to her tormentors so that they would know what role they played in her suicide is something I had never given thought of. It is so much most impactful than a note, but it is also something rather vindictive and, as much as it should (and does, a little) shame me to admit this, it is something that really appeals to me. If I were in Hannah's place, driven to death by the tormenting actions of my peers, I would want them to spend every day for the rest of their lives with that knowledge. And some of Hannah's tormentors completely deserve that. They are horrid. But many of them probably never gave any further thought to the events that devastated Hannah so thoroughly. They were basically good, normal kids who had a moment of cruelty or disinterest and never understood how their actions affected someone on such a deep level.

I feel like that is true for a lot of people. We have no way of knowing where a person is at, what their struggling or trials are, what triggers melancholy, or even if they are the type of person to be inclined towards suicide. We have no way of knowing and we also have no way of knowing the true impact of our actions toward others. What seems like a tiny moment of fun for one person can end up being something so monumentally damaging to another that they never forget it. I loved that this book expounded on that, that this book shows us what Hannah went through and what Hannah perceived. Perception is a huge part of this story and it touches everything.

The characterization in this novel was completely perfect. Hannah is telling her story through these tapes to her tormentors and Clay is devastated to realize he is on the list. He liked Hannah, really liked her and things almost seemed as if they might start between the two of them. As he walks through the town, listening to Hannah tell her story, ending up in the places Hannah describes, my eyes burned for him. I wanted to just reach out and hug him, because that would be unbelievably hard. I was terrified for his turn on her tapes because Clay had no idea what he could have done, so neither do we. And, as if the fact that he is listening to her again, hearing all the pain and hurt she faced, he spends half the tapes scared and wondering what he could have done to Hannah, crushed that he was a part of her pain.

I know that this review is a little bit all over the place, but seriously you guys, this book does that to a person. It has been years since I read this book, but it's still vivid in my mind and thinking about the book again is playing havoc with my emotions. This is a book that is uncomfortable to read and is going to make you stop and look at your own life, make you wonder if you have ever been that person, the one to say something snide or intentionally hurtful and forget about it, not knowing the impact it had on the other person.

So go out and read this book. It is a book that has a lesson for everyone and I cannot think of anyone that wouldn't benefit on some level from reading this book. It's not by any means an easy read. Its challenging, painful and will freaking rip your heart out and mangle your soul. It's the type of book that changes a person. So read it. Seriously. Go and do it now. And I dare you to not be moved.

My Beating Teenage Heart by C.K. Kelly Martin is everything that I love about reading Contemporary novels, even though technically, it isn't really Contemporary...
The book starts with a nameless, unknown narrator falling through the stars and landing just above a boy, who breathes grief. We know nothing about the narrator, but can't fault them, because our narrator knows nothing about who they are either. The past is revealed in pieces to our narrator, (almost) 16 year old Ashlyn, but it's slow. For some inexplicable reason, Ashlyn has become tied to Breckon, a boy about her own age who is filled with pain and loss. She desperately wants to help him through his grief but is helpless. She's not a ghost, because she has no shape or appearance, and can't move, but rather she is a consciousness. It's hard to explain and something that I imagine everyone who reads this book will interpret and imagine differently.
The narration in this book is split between Ashlyn and Breckon. Ashlyn spends her time watching Breckon, aching for him, wanting so desperately to help him and trying to recollect the missing pieces of her past, figure out what happened to her and accept the fact that she is dead. Breckon's narration is both simpler and far more complex. He has so much grief and guilt roiling around inside him. Ashlyn's thoughts are nostalgic and contemplative, but Breckon's thoughts switch between numb and empty to intensely painful. There were a few times I had to pause to just breathe because Breckon's pain was so intense.
The dual narration in this book was perfect. Both Ashlyn and Breckon had their own distinct voice and there was never any doubt as to who was speaking. There were definitely times when it felt like I was intruding on a private moment, something that no one was meant to witness. Sometimes Breckon's thoughts just made me ache for him.

The supporting cast was also written very well. Breckon has such a strong support group, so many people who love him and want the best for him. His parents are trying to cope with their grief, just as hard as he is, his best friends try to be what he needs them to be, and his girlfriend wants to do anything she can for him. All offer him their love, all extend their assistance, and all are, at some point, both pushed away and pulled in by Breckon, who is really just trying to decide whether it's even worth it to hold on to life anymore.

Breckon really isn't okay. He's very clearly suffering and he's not really doing anything to try and move on. And honestly, throughout this book, I was never really sure, never felt that promise most books give you that things will turn out alright in the end. So I spent time wondering — Is he going to be okay? Will things end up alright?! And you don't know. I mean, you really just don't know until the end what he decides. Think about it — There are two narrators and one is already dead. So where is the promise that the other will end up okay. There isn't one. It's mean and sneaky and makes certain scenes just desperate. But oh does it add a level of urgency and reality to the story. Because in real life, you don't know, you can't know what someone is going through and whether or not they will end up alright.

My only real complaint with this novel is near to the end. I didn't feel like I got the information from Ashlyn about her life, but mostly about her death that I felt the story deserved and called for. There was a lot of build up without enough delivery, and while I understand how and why it was written that way, it didn't feel quite... right. But then I got to thinking, and although Ashlyn is given more narrative time than Breckon, although we hear her thoughts strongly throughout the whole story, the book is really for Breckon. He is the real main character, the real center of the story and although Ashlyn is undeniably important, Breckon is the star. And the book wasn't about death. Not really. It's about living. It's hard to pin down exactly what I'm trying to say about this idea without just letting someone glimpse into my thoughts but it's a story that makes me think about what it is to live.
Too much of this book is spent with a character in the space just after death for it to be considered Contemporary fiction. But is has all the things a good Contemporary novel can offer and it's a book that I am going to classify as Contemporary anyway.
I need to read more by Ms. Martin. If this is how she handles storytelling, her past and future novels are ones I refuse to miss out on.

If any of you have talked to me, chances are really good that I've mentioned how much I love Lisa Schroeder. I read The Day Before first, (read my review here) and was blown away by Lisa's insane talent as a verse novelist. I decided I absolutely needed to read more. So I did.

I had heard people talk about I Heart You, You Haunt Me and I'd seen it around the online bookish world some, but I wasn't really interested in it. (I know, I know! I'm sorry!) I don't really do ghosts/paranormal and the cover made me think it was going to be something light & fluffy and silly. I'm literally cringing as I write this, because there's not much that could be farther from the truth.

This is a story of Ava, a young girl trying to accept her boyfriend's death. Neither of them are quite ready to let go, and so, they don't. Jackson comes back to Ava and lingers.

I loved the way Lisa crafted the ghosts in this story. Jackson is not the typical specter, let me come float about the house and whatevs. It's done so subtly, almost like he's just barely more than a memory come to life. His presence is near Ava when she is alone, and he can occasionally whisper into her mind. But he can't go where there are others and Ava is still alive, which means she can't spend all of her time, locked in her room with the memory of a lost love and the almost touch of his ghost.

I've never had such a short book (just over 200 pages in verse) affect me so hard. Lisa is a genius. She has this intense honesty to her writing that makes it emotional, pure and without agenda. It is truth in writing and she breathes life into these characters she puts on the page in so few words.

I find it hard to classify this book, because even though the story deals with a ghost, which to me automatically shifts the book into the paranormal realm, this is a book that feels wholly contemporary. And knowing me, and how much I love contemporary, that's pretty much the highest compliment I can think to give a book about ghosts.

I do also want to mention the verse style briefly (or as briefly as I ever get...) I love verse novels. I talk about them often, recommend them frequently and seek them out actively. But there is a very delicate balance with verse novels. A verse novel is written in sparse, spare language. Every word is important and because you have so few, every single one needs to matter significantly. When done well, it is some of the absolute most powerful writing I have ever read. But when it's not done well, it can fail... horribly.

So let me tell you this — If you are wary of verse novels, scared to try them because you think you hate poetry or because you've heard from people who didn't like some, or maybe because you didn't like a previous novel, give Lisa a try. She is, hands down, the author I recommend beginning verse novels with. (I have references for this...) The only other verse novelist that I've personally read that I believe has anywhere near such a firm and powerful grasp on verse is Ellen Hopkins and she can be intimidating for a brand new verse reader (and that's a whole different conversation).

So I challenge you to give Lisa Schroeder a try. The Day Before is my favorite of the two of her novels that I have so far read (although I plan to start Chasing Brooklyn tomorrow:) ) but I Heart You, You Haunt Me is also a stunningly brilliant book. Either of these are a phenomenal place to start and I'm willing to bet that they will open your eyes and your mind to a whole new world of books. Let Lisa take you there.

Want to Go Private? by Sarah Darer Littman makes me feel, like Whoa!

Abby is 14 and about to start high school. Middle school wasn't that great (her and her best friend, Faith were picked on by the super popular crowd) and Abby doesn't really see anything to look forward to. She doesn't really like change, and is incredibly nervous about starting high school. It doesn't help that on the first day of school she realizes that she and Faith, who have been inseparable since 2nd grade only have gym together and her parents seem to think that's a 'positive' change. They want her to meet new people, make new friends but all she wants is to stay friends with Faith and keep everything the same as it's always been. It gets even worse when Faith starts making new friends and the only person Abby seems to meet is a super hot guy who can't even remember her name while he copies her math homework.

Abby doesn't really feel like she has a place. She's under a lot of pressure from her parents to be perfect, get straight As and live up to their expectations. She doesn't feel like they understand her, and she feels like they treat her differently than her younger sister, who she fights with constantly. Her best friend is pulling away from her, putting her time into new attachments and Abby desperately needs to feel loved, appreciated and wanted.

And then she meets Luke in a new cyber hang out geared for teens. Luke is wonderful. He understands Abby, sympathizes with her, tells her that he understands things are hard and he tells her she is beautiful. It's what she needs to hear, so she begins to let Luke consume her life. She spends all her time online or wishing she were online. And then, after a huge fight with her parents, Abby accepts Luke's offer to finally meet in real life. And then she disappears

This book hurts you in every way there is to hurt. Abby is really struggling to find her place right now and she's feeling inadequate in almost every area of her life. This makes her highly vulnerable to an internet predator. My heart hurt for Abby so many times in this story. She's really hurting and doesn't feel like anyone is willing to stop and listen to her, until she meets Luke. She has so much that she keeps locked inside and it's painful to read. And then there are things that will turn your stomach. Reading about this guy preying on such a young girl made me ill. And, it made me desire to do violence. I believe the people who prey upon and abuse children are the lowest of the low. And I cried while reading this book. There is so much pain felt by so many different characters and it just really hit me. I can't even imagine how devastating something like this would be in real life and I just ached.

The only thing I'm not sure I believed about this book was how quickly Luke was able to get Abby to do things horribly outside the levels of what is appropriate. He tells her in their first chat that he is already out of high school, and by the third he asks her bra size and follows that up by telling her he is 27 to her 14. I know that they had already chatted previously, but given how much she apparently knew about internet safety and how smart she was, I don't feel like there was enough build up there at this point for Abby to continue talking once she realized he was twice her age. And then, when he starts getting her to do more and more, (topless picture, webcam etc) I don't feel like there was enough resistance on Abby's part. Some of the things he asked her to do should have been met with at least a token resistance, but other than moving slowly and blushing, Abby never even says no. I think she would have been easily talked in to those situations, but I feel like it should have taken a little... more from Luke first.

Littman does attempt to justify this a little. Abby justifies a lot of her decisions, especially in the beginning, with the knowledge that nothing is going to happen — she's never going to actually meet the guy, so it's not really that bad. Which, as Abby can later attest, is very dangerous thinking.

But even so, I think that this is a very important book for kids to be reading, especially for kids around Abby's age. It is a time of great change and adjustment for teens and most teens feel very vulnerable. Internet predators are talented manipulators who study ways to reel teens in and exploit them. This book is important because so many teens have this idea or attitude of, Well that only happens to other people, that would never happen to me. And it's not true. If you refuse to acknowledge that there might be a risk, you put yourself at greater risk. Teens need to read this book. It's hard and it would definitely be a book that would be good to have a parent read with the teens so that they can talk about what happens in the story and how to protect yourself. It's a powerful book, I tell you what.

There is so much else that I could mention about this book. So many places I could have gone with this review. Because the book is just that good. It is amazing, powerful, intense, heartbreaking and so very important.

*Disclaimer — I received and ARC of this from the publisher in exchange for a fair and un

Songbird by Angela Fristoe is a book that I am very conflicted about. With a beginning like this book has, it should have been Amazing! So why, now that I'm finished do I feel a little more meh? Let me 'xplain.

Songbird begins when Dani is 6 years old and she watches her alcoholic father shoot her 16 year old brother, Jace, in the park. Jace is her hero, her savior in a violent, abusive home. The first four pages of this book, FOUR PAGES, made me cry. Do you know what it takes to make someone cry within the first four pages?! Amazing skill, that's what.

By page five, I'm completely invested in this story, completely invested in Dani and completely hurting and rooting for her. But then... I sort of detached from the story. By the description of the book, I expected the story to focus on Dani coming to terms with the death of her brother, the imprisonment of her father and a mother turned alcoholic, and all the baggage that accompanies this. I also expected music to play a huge role in Dani's life, considering that the title of the book is Songbird.

But, this is not what I got. Dani spent years bouncing between foster homes before finally setting in with her current 'parents'. Here, in this new home, she finally has a sense of stability, she has a best friend she trusts completely, who she knows will never do anything to hurt her and will always protect her (much like long-dead Jace) and she is finally feeling okay. Dani is still insecure, which is natural. Everyone she's ever truly loved has either been taken from her, or chosen to leave her behind. She's worried that her foster parents won't want a relationship after she turns 18 and she's terrified that if she tells Reece, (the best friend) that she has loved him, been in love with him forever that it will change things and she will lose him as a friend.

With all that emotional pain, all that drama, do you know what the primary focus of the story was? Reece. Yup. Reece. I've made no secret of the fact that books that revolve almost completely around the romance are not really my thing. I don't read many, and when I do, I have to be in a very specific mood. So I was quite disappointed to realize with all that potential, all those possibilities, Fristoe decided to make Dani's biggest problem her friendship and potential relationship with Reece. And, I thought that Dani handled it horribly! Admittedly, Reece could have done much better as well, but I thought Dani was incredibly selfish throughout a vast majority of the novel. You'll know exactly what I mean when you read the book.

Another thing that really bothered me about this book was the addition of the threatening phone calls Dani begins to receive. (Not a real spoiler — it mentions this in the synopsis). The whole thing felt really contrived, really unlikely and simply a plot twist to further the Dani/Reece drama. The moment felt very 'Jump the Shark ' (Wikipedia knows!) and I kind of rolled my eyes a bit. Definitely a WTF moment.

I was also disappointed at the lack of music in the story. The title and synopsis make it sound like music plays a huge part in Dani's life. We are told it's important to her, but we are never really shown that. There were a few references to the notebooks Dani carried with her to include her song lyrics in and how important they were to her, as well as 2, maybe 3 instances where we read these lyrics and that's about it. No more mention of music, even though it's supposed to be something that defines her.

However, even with these things that disappointed me, my overall feelings about this book are positive. I genuinely enjoyed reading the book and learning about Dani. Interspersed throughout the story are a series of flashbacks, giving us more insight into Dani's past. We see what happens with her father before his capture by police, how her mother slips farther and farther into her addiction to cope with what life she has left, what happens in the foster home where she met Colin (which would add way to much to a review to get into.; p) and so much more. We learn so much about Dani and her relationships with others and how they formed through these flashbacks, and other than that amazingly powerful opening chapter, they were the highlight of the book for me.

The times when we were able to learn more about Dani and how she is learning to deal with the terrible hand life has dealt to her were the highlights of the story for me, and the reason why I say that overall, even with several things that I found to be bothersome, this is definitely a book I'm glad I read and it is one that I would recommend to others, although I would want to discuss it with them first.

*Disclaimer: Book received for a fair and honest review through the Teen Book Scene tours.